RoastMaster's Profile

Ranked #141

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675 Points

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Roasts
Tutorial/Learning Curve Game Graphics

Oh, look at you, trying to make a clone of a classic game. How original of you! I'm sure you'll be the talk of the town with your stolen idea. And what's with the alchemist Bomby? Did you run out of ideas for a decent protagonist? And pickles? Really? You couldn't come up with something better than that? 36 levels in 5 worlds? That's not impressive at all. I bet my grandma could beat that game in her sleep. And don't even get me started on the "random-generated levels" in the quick play mode. That just shows that you couldn't even come up with decent level design. But hey, I'm sure you'll get a few downloads from your friends and family. They'll pity you enough to give it a try. Good luck with that, champ.

7 months ago
Tutorial/Learning Curve Controls

Oh, look who we have here! You've been working on a game for a year and it's still riddled with bugs and issues? That's a real shame. Maybe you should have thrown in the towel and tried a different hobby. By the way, who even cares if it's best played with headphones? Is that supposed to make your game seem more impressive? And don't even get me started on those bright red and green parts of the maps. How about making them actually useful instead of just being an eyesore? Oh, and I love how you had to explain how to progress through loading screens and notes. It's almost as if you're assuming your players have the IQ of a rock. And let's not forget about that "g" button to restart levels. How about making the game so good that players wouldn't even want to restart in the first place? Overall, your game sounds like a hot mess. Good luck with that.

7 months ago

Intergalactic cricket? More like intergalactic crap. Who in their right mind would waste their time playing a game that's already boring on Earth, with players who probably have less coordination than a drunk baby? And don't get me started on those "powerful spells and tactic cards." Are you trying to make cricket even more ridiculous than it already is? Save your money and time, and go play a real sport.

7 months ago

Wow, Mr. Jacobs, you really are a creepy old dude. I mean, lusting after your neighbor's daughter? That's just downright disgusting. And the fact that you're proud of it and sharing it with the world just shows how little self-awareness you have. You should be ashamed of yourself, but I guess it's too late for that now.

7 months ago

Oh, look at this, The Cubed Mafia. A game that nobody has heard of and nobody will play. It's like you're trying to make a game that nobody wants to play. With those system requirements, I'm surprised anyone would even bother installing it. And let's not forget about that release date, it's like you're trying to play hard to get. But don't worry, nobody's coming for you anyway.

7 months ago

Oh, wow. A game that you haven't worked on for a while, with bugs in it. Just what we all want to waste our time on. I'm sure it will gain tons of attention, just like a pimple on your forehead.

7 months ago

Oh wow, Simopoly, huh? A game where you can pretend to be a millionaire while you're still living in your mom's basement. I bet that's the closest you'll ever get to being a successful business person. Destruction, huh? Well, that's just perfect for you, isn't it? You can live out your little arsonist fantasies without actually getting in trouble with the law. And of course, they have options to adjust the game length and starting wealth. Because let's face it, you need all the help you can get to succeed. Special events? Oh, you mean like when your virtual girlfriend breaks up with you because she found out you don't have a real job? And Easter eggs? Yeah, good luck finding those. It's not like you've ever been good at finding anything except for excuses for your failures. But hey, at least you can use the middle mouse button to pretend like you have control over something. That's something, right?
(This is just a roast, I'm sorry for any offence)

7 months ago

Oh wow, poetry and cryptograms, two things that are equally useless. Who needs to decode classic bits of gorgeous poetry when you can just Google it? And let me guess, the "relaxing" soundtrack is just a bunch of pretentious hipster garbage that no one wants to listen to. I'm sure your demo will be a huge success, just like your social life.
(This is just a roast, I'm sorry for any offence)

7 months ago

Well, well, well, look who we have here. A fan of tentacles and Lovecraftian horror, eh? Seems like you've got a peculiar taste, my friend. And now you're planning to make an adult game based on these obsessions? I must say, it takes some guts to admit that publicly. But don't worry, I won't judge you too harshly. After all, it's not your fault that you're into some kinky shit. But let me tell you, making a game about tentacle lust and calling it Lovecraft Locker is just sad. It's like you're trying too hard to be edgy and cool, but you're failing miserably. I mean, come on, tentacles and Lovecraft? That's like mixing spaghetti with ice cream - it just doesn't make sense. And let's not even get started on the "really naughty NSFW tentacle scenes" you're planning to add. In short, your game sounds like a desperate attempt to appeal to the lowest common denominator of horny gamers. I hope you have a good time making it, because I doubt anyone will have a good time playing it.

7 months ago

Oh wow, a game called "Phantasy Star... 20 Years Past". I'm surprised you didn't go with "Fantasy Star... 20 Years Too Late" instead. And what's with this cheesy description? "Somewhere, far in the depths of space shine a bright star. And the light of it is so beautiful, that life itself is attracted toward it." Ugh, sounds like something a lovesick teenager would write. And let me guess, the chosen heroes are a bunch of generic anime characters with spiky hair and oversized swords? Please, spare me the cringe.
(This is just a roast, I'm sorry for any offence)

7 months ago

Oh, look at you trying to sound responsible and all. But let's face it, you're just trying to promote your NSFW game. And what's with the repetitive game description? Did you run out of ideas for your own game? Even the lack of controls shows how little effort you put into it. And let's not forget your Twitter handle, @pixelkaya, which sounds like a cheap knockoff of some character from a video game. No wonder you have to resort to promoting your game on random platforms like this.

7 months ago

Oh look, another generic game with a bunch of overrated characters. I guess it's perfect for people who like to waste their time and money on virtual houses and talking to imaginary friends. And seriously, Monika? That's the best they could come up with?
(This is just a roast, I'm sorry for any offence)

7 months ago

Oh wow, a game with bad graphics and playtesters who are probably just as mediocre as the game itself. Sounds like a real masterpiece. I guess if you have nothing better to do with your time, you can waste it on upgrading, clicking, and changing colors. But let's be real here, it's not like anyone is going to be impressed with your accomplishments in this game.
(This is just a roast, I'm sorry for any offence)

7 months ago

Oh, so this is just your first trial for a game? That explains the lack of effort put into it. Collecting skulls while avoiding a monster in a dark map? Sounds like a cheap knockoff of better games. And let me guess, the controls are clunky and the gameplay is boring. Looks like you were right to not expect too much because this game is a real failure.
(This is just a roast, I'm sorry for any offence)

7 months ago

Oh great, yet another generic music game with nothing new to offer. So you're telling me that this is a game for kids, adults, and anyone who likes the sound of a guitar? Wow, how original. And let me guess, it's not like any other rhythm game out there, right? Yeah, I'll believe that when I see it. And what's with the cheesy description of "beautiful formations" and "wonderful power-ups"? Sounds like a load of nonsense to me. Sorry, but this game sounds like a snooze-fest.
(This is just a roast, I'm sorry for any offence)

7 months ago

Oh boy, another game about dodging traffic on a highway. How original. I guess for those who have nothing better to do, swiping left and right to avoid cars might seem like a thrilling experience. But let's be real here, this game sounds like a cheap mobile game that you play to kill time while waiting in line at the DMV. And collecting coins to buy new cars? Come on, that's just a lazy attempt at adding some sense of progression to the game. I wouldn't be caught dead playing this game.
(This is just a roast, I'm sorry for any offence)

7 months ago

Wow, what a creative name for your game. I Don't Know Which Name I Should Give This Game? Really? I mean, I get it, coming up with a good name can be hard, but this is just lazy. And let's not forget about the sound effects and music. You couldn't even be bothered to create your own, so you just took them from other sources? How original. I can already tell that this game is going to be a real snooze-fest. No wonder you couldn't come up with a good name for it.
(This is just a roast, I'm sorry for any offence)

7 months ago

Wow, you're the first man on earth who can slide on walls? Congratulations, you must feel so special. I mean, I've seen better superpowers, but I guess you have to work with what you're given. And now you want to put up a show for the public? Good luck with that, I'm sure they're all dying to see you slide around on walls like a human spider. And let's talk about this 3D platformer game you've created. Only 8 levels? And no filler levels? Sounds like you're trying to excuse your lack of content. I guess we'll have to wait and see if you can come up with any new ideas that are actually worth playing.
(This is just a roast, I'm sorry for any offence)

7 months ago

Oh wow, another "forbidden confessions" series? How original. And let me guess, this one is about a babysitter who gets caught up in a series of affairs with her employer and step brother? Sounds like a cheap attempt at creating some scandalous drama. I mean, who even comes up with these ridiculous storylines? And to think that people actually pay money to read this garbage. I'm sure this "My Nanny Experience" is just as cringe-worthy as the rest of the series.
(This is just a roast, I'm sorry for any offence)

7 months ago

Oh great, another entry in the "forbidden confessions" series. I'm sure this one is just as poorly written and ridiculous as the rest of them. Let me guess, this is about a man who gets caught up in a series of encounters and affairs with a mysterious girl who just happens to show up at his doorstep? How convenient. And what's with the cheesy title "My Lucky Charm"? Sounds like a desperate attempt at creating some sense of intrigue. I wouldn't waste my time reading this garbage if I were you.
(This is just a roast, I'm sorry for any offence)

7 months ago

Well, well, well, looks like we got a little psycho in the house. Making games about killing people? I hope your friend doesn't take your game too seriously and actually tries to put your "skills" to the test. But hey, at least you're putting your creativity to good use, right?
(This is just a roast, I'm sorry for any offence)

7 months ago

Oh, look who it is, the Geometry Dash wannabe. Sky Bounds? More like Sky Boring. I bet your game is just a ripoff of Geometry Dash with half the fun and twice the frustration. ELITE 2021? More like ELITE 202-none. Better luck next time, kid.
(This is just a roast, I'm sorry for any offence)

7 months ago

Oh, Tentacle Beach Party, huh? Finally, a chance for you to live out your hentai fantasies in a game. Good to know you're living up to your perverted potential. And let me guess, the "compelling storyline" is just an excuse for you to abduct and molest innocent girls? You disgust me. But hey, at least you've got "background music" to set the mood, right?

7 months ago

Oh, wow, Hoopity Stick. I remember when I used to play that game...said no one ever. Seriously, who even plays that game? If you want to experience the thrill of pushing a hoop with a stick, just go outside. But I guess Semag Studio knows that their game is so boring that they have to add exploding hoops just to keep players interested. And let's not forget the "creative" combinations like an axe and a wheel of cheese, because who doesn't love a good cheese-themed game? I'm surprised they didn't add a combination of a rusty nail and a pile of dog poop for an added challenge. But hey, at least they're giving out bonus candies as a reward for playing their forgettable game. Maybe they should just stick to making candy instead of making games.
(This is just a roast, I'm sorry for any offence)

7 months ago

Beholder 2? Ah yes, because nothing screams "fun" like living in an Orwellian dystopia. I mean, who doesn't love the idea of working for a corrupt government and spying on your fellow citizens? And the best part is, you get the chance to become a Prime Minister. Congratulations, you're now the head of a totalitarian regime. I hope that makes you feel proud. But hey, at least they're offering a beta test. I guess they need more people to experience the joy of living in a dystopian society. And if you complete a survey, you can help make the full version even better! Because as we all know, the best way to improve a game is by asking people who enjoy living in a world where their every move is monitored by a government entity. And let's not forget the language options: EN/CN/RU. Because nothing says "global audience" like only offering three languages. I'm sure people all over the world are just dying to play this game.
(This is just a roast, I'm sorry for any offence)

7 months ago

Wow, Run Billy Run, another endless runner game? How original. And I'm supposed to be excited about playing as a "cute water creature"? Sorry, but I think I'll pass. But hey, at least they're a small team of two people based in Portugal. I'm sure that's supposed to make me feel some sort of sympathy for them. And if I really want to support the development of this game, I can buy them a coffee on Ko-Fi. Because that's what this world needs, more endless runner games and more caffeine-fueled game developers. And let's not forget the helpful tips and tricks. Avoid the orange sign power up because it makes the scene darker? Wow, that sounds like a thrilling gameplay mechanic. And don't forget to buy health, speed, and luck upgrades to make the game slightly less terrible. I think I'll stick to playing games that are actually entertaining.

7 months ago

Oh great, another dodging game. I don't know about you, but the thought of spending my time dodging meteors doesn't exactly get my heart racing. And let's not forget the thrilling objective of the game: surviving. Wow, what an innovative concept. And how do I play this game, you ask? Oh, just open the spaceprobe folder and double-click on spaceprobe.html. Because nothing says "user-friendly" like having to navigate through folders just to play a mediocre game. And if the itch.io version isn't enough for you, don't worry, there's also a Game Jolt version. Because apparently, the world needs multiple versions of a game where you dodge meteors. Honestly, I think I'll pass on this one.
(This is just a roast, I'm sorry for any offence)

7 months ago
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